Son

 

I heard a mother wailing for her son

her cries carrying down

linoed corridors

the phone hanging off the hook

 

Am I losing-

me the fuck-up

smearing molasses

on fresh white walls

 

One sweet hell


I am not here at this time

I am not here at all

 

Other children run and play

mothers calling from behind

 

I am not here


Little dove

show me your face

 

I’ll clasp it with my hands


It’s getting dark now

this Friday in February

Someone holds your hand

 

The ocean smashes through a cave

Every word is for you

 

I smile

as it’s all mud

On our knees

on our palms

 

You and I

don’t forget are built from blood

and you say my eyes are blue

 

Remember that day

 

You said pick me up

(I couldn’t)

 

In another bed

just trying to forget


I lay down beside you

You were sleeping

The bed was earth

 

A winter soil takes my bones

to feed the bare oak

 

You sleep under a downy wing


At night

when I lie down

the day

falls through my face

and back

 

Sleep is a stroke over my thoughts

rupturing when you cry

The untwinned sound drags me to my feet


A footprint in dust


I see the sky again

Silver clouds cluster

 

A pale sun

fierce and eager


Tum porro puer, ut saevis proiectus ad undis

Navita, nudis humi iacet, infans, indignus omni

Vitali auxilio, cum primum in luminis oras

Nixibis ex alvo matris natura profundit,

Vagituque locum lugubri complet, ut aequuumst

Cui tantum in vita restet transire malorum. (Lucretius, De Rerum Natura, Book 5, lines 222-227)

 

My tutor drowned

Washed up on the shore

found by his wife

 

He had read this passage

 

Now I know the tiny body

 

My infans

 

Those wild horses

who trample the waters edge

foam at the mouth

and inhabit my chest

My bedclothes are damp by morning

 

My infans

 

I barely breathe without you


You are gone


An ache

too big to cry


The moon is a crescent tonight

emptied of its belly


I know why wolves howl 


I forgot about the cow parsley

along the lanes

growing untamed


A part of me is missing

Golden Flower


In the night I’d go to you

Our hidden world


I keep dreaming of everything

And you save me